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Do years of relationships teach us nothing? It turns out not. One of the biggest problems with relationships is that most of us believe that our partners should be the ones to guess what we want. Psychologist Catherine Shaffler wrote that all failed relationships boil down to one thing: the language of love.
The language of love is not the same language that we use every day to communicate with our partners, family members, friends and colleagues.
The language of love is what helps us express what we feel and allows us to let those we care about know that we love them.
However, like all humans, we often take others and their feelings for granted, and this causes many problems.
For example, if you want your husband to give you flowers from time to time, but you never tell him about it, how is he supposed to know? The obvious answer is "He must know I like flowers." Right? Wrong.
The truth is that while many relationships break down under pressure from society, money, expectations, and obligations, quite often the breakdown is due to one partner believing that the other partner doesn't care. This is a complete inability to use the language of love.
Don't be afraid to be honest about what you want. If Susie wants Michael to know that flowers make her happy, she should tell him. It is absurd to expect him to guess this himself, looking at other men who give flowers to their girls and women. It's unfair of Susie to place such high hopes on Michael. If she wants flowers, she should just say she wants flowers. The problem with this scenario is that Susie is thinking about how to tell Michael what she wants without him thinking that she is imposing.
But what's wrong with being upfront about what you want from a relationship?
Susie thinks this way only because it is accepted in society. Boys like Michael are constantly pressured by society to do the right thing and say the right thing. But it is unrealistic and tiring.
We show love in different ways
It can be expressed through gifts, words, actions, physical contact and time.
When something goes wrong in a relationship, the problem almost always revolves around one or more of these five aspects of love language.
Relationships begin to fall apart when one of the partners stops speaking the same language with the other.
If you give your partner expensive gifts, but he does not reciprocate, you feel dissatisfied. If you do something nice for your partner, like take them out to dinner, and they don't do the same for you, you feel resentful. If you want to show your love through physical contact that your partner doesn't feel the need for, you will feel rejected. If your partner, contrary to your strong desire, does not have the opportunity to spend more time with you due to busy work, you will feel lonely and hurt.
So why does any of this matter?
First, we often show our love because we want to be shown love in return. For example, if you want your partner to please you with gifts, start giving him gifts yourself and don't expect an instant miracle. If you want your partner to stop looking at their phone during dinner, stop looking at your phone yourself.
But if your partner does things that you don't approve of or don't really like, you may start to adopt those bad habits that will only hurt your union.
The language of love has a strong influence on relationships, and it is important to remember that if you want your partner to start meeting some of your needs, you need to give him the amount of love he needs.
Do not expect that a loved one must always understand what you want without words. Just talk about your wants and needs with words, your misunderstanding will be allowed.
