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Every parent wants only the best for their child. But in the process of upbringing, it is not always possible to restrain negative emotions. We sometimes say phrases that have a destructive effect on children's psyche. It is better to give up some of the usual judgments that come out of us automatically.
"If you don't know how, don't do it!"
Small children are often clumsy. They break things, spill cereal, spill water, throw freshly washed clothes, but they don't do it on purpose. They simply lack skills, abilities, developed fine motor skills.
Parents, on the other hand, do not have the patience to wait for the child to be able to cope with this or that task, and they prefer to complete it on their own, along the way uttering a phrase that is detrimental to the child's self-esteem.
"Are you doing this on purpose?"
This is what parents often say when a child persistently repeats an action that annoys them. But the child cannot always realize what exactly annoys the parents, and the question posed in such a form seems to expose him to bad intentions. The child feels threatened, but cannot realize what exactly is his fault. There is also no opportunity to make excuses. At the level of sensations, there is a feeling that the parents have found the child guilty, and nothing can be changed. This creates impotence.
"All children are children, and you..."
No one likes being compared to others. It is very important for young children to know that their parents love them as they are, and this love will not disappear anywhere. Only by feeling completely safe, the child will be able to reveal all his talents to a large extent.
And after these words, all she can feel is that she does not reach some invisible bar and disappoints her parents. There is a feeling of one's own inferiority, a constant background fear of making a mistake and incurring parental anger.
"There is nothing of yours in this house!"
Parents often use this phrase to address teenagers. This is how they want to emphasize their contribution to the child's development, to indicate the amount of invested resources: emotional, temporal, financial.
Teenagers perceive it as an insult. They are deprived of the right to personal property, and the lack of opportunity to earn money on their own is emphasized. Such words make you want to leave your parents' home as soon as possible and never accept any help. This does not contribute to the formation of trusting relationships.
"Calm down quickly!"
Every adult knows that there is nothing more offensive than a demand to calm down immediately. But for some reason we often say these unpleasant words to children without thinking. From the point of view of parents, reasons for children's crying are rarely significant. In addition, children cry loudly, which is very annoying.
Unfortunately, the child begins to cry even harder from rude screams. In order to be able to calm her down, parents must not give free rein to their irritation. You cannot act from a position of strength.
Most of the time, we pronounce all of the above phrases automatically, without even thinking about their meaning and without thinking about the effect. Therefore, adults should be more careful with their words and learn to control their anger. That's what we're adults for!
