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Oh, the bitter aftertaste of a broken relationship! It makes you feel disgusting, both mentally and physically. But if only it were a terrible insult to your ex.
Often, even when temporary relief comes and you control the feelings, the pain from the past still flows into the present, into new acquaintances and relationships. It's like drinking spring water from a dirty cup - how much of this water is needed to wash away all the sediment! You unconsciously compare all men to your ex and are afraid to fully trust your new partner for fear of getting stabbed in the back again.
But this man may turn out to be the most honest, infinitely loving, and genuinely caring. What did he do wrong to arouse distrust in himself?
We will tell you what the main reasons for these insults are, and also suggest ways to get rid of them.
How resentment is born
An insult is like an old stain on your favorite blouse that is hard to remove. No matter how you try to cover it up with a scarf or a vest, you still know it's there. And how annoying it is that it "rubs" your gaze, reminding you every time of the reasons for its appearance. And the reasons can be different.
Dreams did not come true
When you first started your relationship, you probably saw it as bright and airy. You were almost certain that it would be completely different from other couples. But your husband didn’t live up to your expectations, your bet didn’t pay off, and now you’re disappointed and don’t want to build a new relationship anymore.
He didn't appreciate your efforts.
You went out of your way to please him, did everything for your relationship, but he simply didn't notice your efforts and didn't reciprocate.
Attitude towards the child
Mothers often raise children differently than fathers. That is why complaints that the father devotes very little time to the upbringing and development of the child are a very common phenomenon. In addition, the woman is offended by the cold attitude and indifference of the husband to the children, the weak parental instinct.
Lack of attention and care on his part
It seemed to you that he was ready to invest time and other resources anywhere but you. He used to be much more diligent and attentive to you, but somewhere the system failed, and you, like a forgotten flower on a window, began to wither without care and concern.
Zrada
It's the hardest thing to swallow without getting angry and furious. Add to this a nuance like a perfect female imagination and fantasy, and you get a powerful mixture of intense resentment, distrust, hatred, and aggression in one bottle.
Unclosed "whys"
These are questions that prevent you from conducting a thorough analysis of past relationships, so as not to repeat similar mistakes in the future and not to dance on a rake. “Why did he do that?”, “Why couldn’t I become the one and only for him?”, “Why did our relationship come to naught?”. And the fact that they usually remain unanswered torments and offends for years, preventing new love.
Aggression and physical violence
Injuries from a lover's blows leave marks on both the body and the soul. And the latter heal much more slowly. What if the new husband also turns out to be a domestic tyrant? Fear and the instinct of self-preservation do their job, and the woman prefers to choose loneliness rather than risk reliving this pain and being cornered again.
5 steps to healing from resentment
When a relationship falls apart for some reason, a woman tends to wrap herself in resentment like a blanket. And believe me: whoever once said that time heals was definitely a doctor of sorts. Positive emotions, bright dreams and their achievements, admiring glances and sincere compliments, moments of euphoria and happiness — and time just flies by.
And to get to the above, you need to take some important steps to free yourself from resentment and anger.
Recognize that the relationship has become stale.
Understand that this horse has fallen, that it cannot be picked up and cannot be made to walk any further. You may even feel angry that your husband allowed you to experience unhappy moments. Feeling angry will raise your level of self-esteem. Sometimes such strong emotions give you the courage and determination to separate from an unhealthy relationship and leave it in the past.
Speak out… on paper
They say he will endure anything, and people don't lie here! Take a blank sheet of paper and write a message to your ex-husband. Don't be shy about using expressions and epithets, expressing everything you've wanted for a long time. Let it be a powerful stream of boiling feelings without censorship or restraint, because you... won't send it to the addressee. Anger often covers up serious pain. This means that emotions will most likely pour out in a shower of tears. Having poured out your soul, put aside what you wrote and try to do something that invigorates you. And when your emotions are on the rise, get rid of the letter - burn it, for example, cheerfully and singing along, scattering the ashes in the wind.
Fill everything that brings up thoughts of your ex with happy memories.
You've been seething, grumbling - and that's enough. It's time to change the negative to the positive. The tools for this can be things, places and events that connected you with your man. What others call to throw away and give away can become a source of energy for new achievements. Look at these things and be sure: the next relationship will bring you much more positivity, joy and pleasant memories.
Heal the soul
Recovering from emotional trauma is not much different from recovering from physical trauma. You need to rest and take proper care of yourself during your recovery. Show as much respect and tenderness to your loved one as possible. Take every opportunity to take care of yourself, surround yourself with friends and family who care about you and your interests.
Saturate your life
Cultivate joy, pleasant events and bright moments, saturated with novelty and freshness. Review your daily routine - there will definitely be an hour or two for something you have not done before, but have long wanted to try. Any active or creative activity that brings a sense of pride in yourself and certainly positive emotions - there is a wide choice here. The main thing is that you do not have a single minute left for immersion in yourself, memories and sadness. This is the beginning of the path to a new dream and a new turn in your personal life. Only this way - fresh, renewed and open to positive - will men like you!
Thank you, dear, for the insults!
Do you think if you had the opportunity to go back in time, would you erase it?
You've probably thought that erasing is a great idea. But just think for a second about how your past has tempered you, how wise and strong it has made you. And your ex had a direct part in that. So, thank you for that too!
Learn to focus on the lessons you learn from your experiences. Then you will clearly see that you are only making yourself worse by not letting go of the resentment.
But, like a disease, it can live in a person for a very long time, and then it starts to grow, go into a chronic stage, and then get out of control. Therefore, here and now is the best moment not to suffer because of it.
Agree, it is very unwise to let your new love suffer because of the mistakes of the past. The fact that you are foolishly holding on to bitterness and resentment today is not worth sacrificing your joy and happiness.
And finally, one more piece of advice
We warn you: the process of liberation from the past can be complicated by the fear of loneliness in the future. And, standing at this crossroads, it is very difficult to take the first step. But you need to take it! Because you can overcome this state only with the help of new relationships. And as long as one person exists in your mind, he does not let another in.
To get rid of fear and bitterness, you don't need to run away from them. You just need to go to the maximum point, after which these feelings will begin to decrease, and then you need to rethink and realize the event.
