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By making a choice, we become ourselves again and, at the same time, we give up many other options for ourselves. It is not surprising that choosing is so difficult. It is scary to make a mistake, to take the wrong turn, to lose something important forever.
The following techniques will help you find support and make an informed choice.
Don't ask for advice.
No one knows what is good and right for you. Another person can only offer what is right for them, and that will be their choice, not yours. Seek support—people who are willing to listen to you, to help you figure things out. People who will accept whatever choice you make.
Don't drown in emotions.
At the initial stage of choice, emotions often hinder more than help. They flood, do not allow to soberly study the problem, see and evaluate alternatives. Psychologists in such cases recommend using the Dilts pyramid, which is also a model of logical levels. The technique helps to lay out everything on the shelves:
Mission
Why am I doing this? What is the meaning of my choice?
Personal uniqueness
Who am I in the context of this choice? How does this identity make me feel? Do I feel it as mine, as close and dear to me?
Beliefs and values
Why is this so important to me? What values and beliefs do I hold dear? How will my choices help preserve and develop what is important to me?
Abilities and skills
How can I act on my strengths? How will this or that choice help me discover my abilities? What skills do I need to implement different options in life?
Behavior
What will I need to do to implement the different choices?
Environment
Who will help me and who will hinder me? Where and when can I achieve what I want? Who do I need to involve in support or active actions?
Ask your intuition
In the previous stage, you structured — now abandon the structure. Get rid of assessments and trust your intuition. Brainstorm. List all possible choices. Or all possible consequences of the options selected in the previous stage.
Don't think, don't criticize, just write whatever comes to mind, even the most absurd and unrealistic things. If it comes, it means something might come in handy. Spend 15 minutes on it, then reread what you wrote and sort the points based on your internal feedback and the possibility of implementation.
Listen to your heart
Want to test the validity of your decision? Go back to your feelings. What emotions do you experience when you imagine this or that option? Do you get a surge of energy, inspiration, a sense of simplicity and strength?
Listen to your body
If emotional signals are not enough, you can use the technique of getting a response from the body. Write different options on pieces of paper, spread them on the floor, and then stand on each piece of paper in turn and listen to yourself.
Do you straighten up or slouch? Do you breathe freely or hold your breath? Do you feel big or small, strong or helpless? How do you perceive the space around you? Is it expanding or contracting? How comfortable are you in this?
Don't rush yourself.
The desire to choose immediately causes tension, prevents us from hearing ourselves. Rest, relax. Take a walk, meditate, do a general cleaning, cook a delicious dinner. The best decisions come when we let go of control and distract ourselves, allowing our inner voice to speak.
Evaluate the benefits of not choosing
If you still can't choose, think about whether the current situation is too favorable, and the prospects are too frightening. For example, a woman who doesn't work lives with an unloved man, but this man is well-off. Or a man can't choose between a wife and a mistress.
If a woman divorces her husband, she will have to earn money on her own, and it is not known how everything will turn out. If a man stays with his wife, he will lose the opportunity to have a holiday in the middle of everyday life, if he goes to his mistress, he will lose his former well-established life.
Can't decide? Honestly acknowledge to yourself the benefits of maintaining the current state of affairs. And then think about how valuable this situation is to you. Maybe it's the most important thing in your life. Or maybe it's just an old habit.
Whatever you choose, trust yourself. The right decision is already inside you, you just need to listen a little better to hear it.
