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Almost every girl in her childhood dreamed of meeting her fairy prince and living in a fairy tale. The prince would have to be kind, handsome, rich and with a white horse. He would burst into her life and take her to a distant kingdom, where there are no annoying parents, hated teachers and hard work. But the years go by, girls grow up, meet the real world and living people. Things that seemed like a dream at 13 years old become strange at 20. And there is no need for a fairy tale when you decide for yourself how and with whom to spend your time. And only Cinderella - a smart and beautiful girl - remains at home, face to face with hard work, because her prince never came for her.
Cinderella complex is a condition in which a woman in adulthood continues to live her childhood dreams of a fairy-tale life and refuses to accept reality. This term was first introduced by Colette Dowling in her book "The Cinderella Complex" in 1990. Dowling defined the Cinderella complex as "the fear of independence." In her opinion, the basis of the Cinderella complex is a woman's subconscious desire to transfer responsibility for her life and well-being into someone else's hands. Cinderellas do not live in the present, for them a better life is somewhere out there, far away. One day, higher powers will see their efforts and arrange a saving fairy-tale miracle for them. A miracle can be anything, but girls who grow up in traditional families most often see their liberation in a handsome prince with a full set of qualities already known to them. “The Cinderella complex is a system of attitudes and fears that keep women in the shadows and prevent them from fully realizing their intelligence and creativity,” Dowling writes. “Modern Cinderella-like women are still waiting for the man who will change their lives.”
How dangerous is the Cinderella complex?
- It is not known whether Cinderella's dream will come true at all, but the girl will still be waiting, even knowing about it.
- Anything that doesn't match her dream—even an impossible one—is not worthy of Cinderella, and is therefore ruthlessly erased from her life. This applies even to close people and partners, because they will never be able to match the "chosen one" of her fantasies.
- Cinderella does not see the real reason for her failures and loneliness. She blames the whole world for her difficult life.
- Belief in miracles becomes an excuse for a passive life position. Cinderella will tolerate everything that doesn't suit her and wait for everything to change by itself, instead of changing her life on her own.
Cinderellas are used to hard work and expect rewards, remaining dissatisfied with life and the people around them. The discrepancy between dreams and real life has a bad effect on Cinderella's mental well-being and leads to neuroses, depression, and various kinds of addictions (from food to alcohol or even drugs).
How does a Cinderella complex form?
The Cinderella complex is formed in girls who are taught from childhood that everything good in life must be earned: through hard work, humility, suffering and patience. Child psychologists strongly advise parents not to resort to such manipulations. A child raised in such conditions fulfills any requests not for personal reasons, but because of the fear of losing their parents' love. Such children grow up with the confidence that they can only be loved for their deeds, which does not contribute to the formation of self-sufficiency. In a traditional patriarchal society, most women are prone to the Cinderella complex, because the basis of their upbringing is the reference "be patient and wait for your prince." Popular culture plays a large role in the formation of a woman's Cinderella complex: books, films and TV series. The story of a quiet, modest hard worker who suddenly meets the one and only and finds her happiness is probably one of the most popular and often covered in the media. Here are the girls waiting for princes, building castles in the air, while real life passes by.
What to do?
Women with a Cinderella complex are completely unable to distinguish their real desires and goals from those they came up with for themselves in childhood. Therefore, they need to form a cause-and-effect relationship between their actions and the achievement of their dreams. Cinderellas should learn to accept themselves, maintain their own self-esteem, recognize their true feelings and desires. They need to stop looking for support from others and waiting for approval from them. It is important to train awareness and live here and now. It is better to accept the world as it is, then reality will become more interesting than any fairy tale.
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Almost every girl in her childhood dreamed of meeting her fairy prince and living in a fairy tale. The prince would have to be kind, handsome, rich and with a white horse. He would burst into her life and take her to a distant kingdom, where there are no annoying parents, hated teachers and hard work. But the years go by, girls grow up, meet the real world and living people. Things that seemed like a dream at 13 years old become strange at 20. And there is no need for a fairy tale when you decide for yourself how and with whom to spend your time. And only Cinderella - a smart and beautiful girl - remains at home, face to face with hard work, because her prince never came for her.
Cinderella complex is a condition in which a woman in adulthood continues to live her childhood dreams of a fairy-tale life and refuses to accept reality. This term was first introduced by Colette Dowling in her book "The Cinderella Complex" in 1990. Dowling defined the Cinderella complex as "the fear of independence." In her opinion, the basis of the Cinderella complex is a woman's subconscious desire to transfer responsibility for her life and well-being into someone else's hands. Cinderellas do not live in the present, for them a better life is somewhere out there, far away. One day, higher powers will see their efforts and arrange a saving fairy-tale miracle for them. A miracle can be anything, but girls who grow up in traditional families most often see their liberation in a handsome prince with a full set of qualities already known to them. “The Cinderella complex is a system of attitudes and fears that keep women in the shadows and prevent them from fully realizing their intelligence and creativity,” Dowling writes. “Modern Cinderella-like women are still waiting for the man who will change their lives.”
How dangerous is the Cinderella complex?
- It is not known whether Cinderella's dream will come true at all, but the girl will still be waiting, even knowing about it.
- Anything that doesn't match her dream—even an impossible one—is not worthy of Cinderella, and is therefore ruthlessly erased from her life. This applies even to close people and partners, because they will never be able to match the "chosen one" of her fantasies.
- Cinderella does not see the real reason for her failures and loneliness. She blames the whole world for her difficult life.
- Belief in miracles becomes an excuse for a passive life position. Cinderella will tolerate everything that doesn't suit her and wait for everything to change by itself, instead of changing her life on her own.
Cinderellas are used to hard work and expect rewards, remaining dissatisfied with life and the people around them. The discrepancy between dreams and real life has a bad effect on Cinderella's mental well-being and leads to neuroses, depression, and various kinds of addictions (from food to alcohol or even drugs).
How does a Cinderella complex form?
The Cinderella complex is formed in girls who are taught from childhood that everything good in life must be earned: through hard work, humility, suffering and patience. Child psychologists strongly advise parents not to resort to such manipulations. A child raised in such conditions fulfills any requests not for personal reasons, but because of the fear of losing their parents' love. Such children grow up with the confidence that they can only be loved for their deeds, which does not contribute to the formation of self-sufficiency. In a traditional patriarchal society, most women are prone to the Cinderella complex, because the basis of their upbringing is the reference "be patient and wait for your prince." Popular culture plays a large role in the formation of a woman's Cinderella complex: books, films and TV series. The story of a quiet, modest hard worker who suddenly meets the one and only and finds her happiness is probably one of the most popular and often covered in the media. Here are the girls waiting for princes, building castles in the air, while real life passes by.
What to do?
Women with a Cinderella complex are completely unable to distinguish their real desires and goals from those they came up with for themselves in childhood. Therefore, they need to form a cause-and-effect relationship between their actions and the achievement of their dreams. Cinderellas should learn to accept themselves, maintain their own self-esteem, recognize their true feelings and desires. They need to stop looking for support from others and waiting for approval from them. It is important to train awareness and live here and now. It is better to accept the world as it is, then reality will become more interesting than any fairy tale.
