530
You can be happy in a relationship even when your partner doesn't respect you at all. Such illogical, at first glance, behavior is explained by the attitudes typical of your worldview. Unfortunately, statistics only confirm the huge number of couples with a similar relationship model: about 20% of couples in America alone are considered abusive, according to statistics from the American Center for Family Therapy. Let's analyze the typical attitudes of women in such situations and help get rid of them.
“I live on everything ready-made, and then I will be left with nothing”
Whatever one may say, the instinct of self-preservation works perfectly in all of us. Many women stay with their partners only because they provide them with everything — from housing to money for clothes. The situation only worsens when a girl goes on maternity leave and stays with her child. In our culture, housework and childcare are not considered real work — it is promoted that this is a gender role and almost a sacred duty of the female sex. In fact, household duties and raising children should fall on the shoulders of both parents. And in order not to find yourself in such a situation, you should think in advance about providing for yourself during maternity leave: official employment, a high salary will set the optimal level of assistance for you, on which you will not only be able to survive, but also provide for yourself and your child.
“He’s screaming now, but he’ll come with a gift later.”
Fur coats, smartphones, jewelry - all big gifts after a quarrel with a partner speak not of his care and guilt, but of psychological disorders. In the theory of abusive behavior, such a pattern is called the honeymoon: by appeasing you after physical violence and insults with gifts, a man forces you to forget about the events and open up to him again in order to get under his control. If you feel that you are fueled by negative emotions and are already going into conflict yourself, you definitely need to come to a psychiatrist for advice - this is a real codependency of the victim and the abuser, which never ends in anything good.
“I will suffer - I will love, but I will not be alone”
There is no point in sacrificing happiness in your personal life for the sake of a partner who is beautiful in all respects. Now you are playing with your husband's feelings while he looks at you with loving eyes, and then he will realize your attitude and take revenge for the lie. Do not listen to those people who claim that after having children you can feel love even for a man you are indifferent to - this is not so. You will only become more unhappy because you have become more strongly connected to someone who is not interesting to you, which will certainly lead to family quarrels in front of the child. Do not mock yourself and put love above profit - money can always be earned, but you cannot buy true love for it.
“I missed him, he was better”
Another side of the behavior of women who do not know how to enjoy loneliness is to worry about past relationships. Usually the problem is inherent in young girls who have formed their first relationship. But sometimes adult experienced girls make the same mistake when they are under pressure from the outside: from parents who want to become grandparents, married friends and even doctors who hint at the appropriate age for conceiving a child. Only therapy will help to get rid of this condition, during which you will increase your self-esteem, realize your independence from other people's opinions and find an approach to yourself.
