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Happiness is a natural state of your psyche.
Our psyche is designed in such a way that we always expect potential threats and at the same time strive for what brings us joy. This contributes to our survival and happiness. However, after we enter the real world, where distorted norms of behavior, intermittent connections with other people, traumas and mental traps are considered the norm, our mental health takes a serious blow to the soul, and our happiness begins to melt like ice in the hot sun.
The reason why we are much less happy than we would like to be in real life is very complex. It has deep roots in our culture, physiology, upbringing and even our environment. However, there is another very important element in all this, which, as a rule, many people lose sight of. How happy we are largely depends on our own habits, behavior and actions. In order to feel happy, we must first mentally do it.
So, does it mean that for some reason we don't want to be happy? But why? Well, there are several serious reasons for that...
- We believe that fear will protect us, and therefore make us happier, when in reality, fear only distorts our thinking.
One of the most common ways people block their own happiness is by believing that if they are more afraid of potential negative events, it will help prevent them from happening. This is a completely false belief. Yes, being able to plan ahead and anticipate dangers is a useful skill, but if you give in to your fear more than you really need to, you can have the exact opposite effect.
Fear, like anger, is an irrational emotion by nature. It leads to distorted thinking more often than it gives us clarity. It makes us exaggerate real problems, making a big deal out of a small thing, and even makes us see problems where there really aren't any.
If you allow fear, as a defense mechanism, to control your behavior, it will gradually weaken your psyche, leading to increased suspicion and distrust.
In fact, nothing can turn back your development and formation as a person. When you take another step forward, you begin to understand yourself and the world around you better, and the future becomes much less scary. Every step forward brings you closer to achieving freedom.
- We think that if we allow ourselves to become “very happy,” we are more likely to lose that happiness. In fact, the longer we are happy, the easier it is to continue to be happy.
Another common fear is the belief that if we get too caught up in our newfound happiness, becoming too carefree and “relaxed,” we will stop noticing potential threats. And because of this, we will one day lose everything we hold dear. In other words, if we allow ourselves to become too happy, it will supposedly lead to the fact that we will lose this happiness.
In reality, happiness is not something we “get” from some external source. Rather, it is a way of life that we practice. It is the ability, acquired over many years, to properly appreciate the good things in our lives and to recover quickly from stress and mistakes.
The ability to see the good is not something we are born with, it can be learned. And the more we practice, the better we become. The more often we allow ourselves to feel happy, the easier it will be for us to return to this state in the future.
Life doesn't become happy and good just because we find ourselves in good circumstances and start to get lucky. It becomes good when we understand how to make almost any day of our life good.
- We believe that if we allow ourselves to be happy, it will inevitably lead to us becoming weaker and having more bad habits. In fact, most bad habits are a defensive reaction of the mind in response to pain.
Many people are afraid to give in to happiness and believe that adversity hardens the body and spirit. They do this because they sincerely believe that if they allow themselves to be happy, they will definitely relax, lose self-discipline, acquire a lot of bad habits, and never get out of this swamp.
But in reality, most bad habits are our minds’ defensive responses to pain and unhappiness. We don’t overeat, spend our entire paycheck on shopping, or slack off at work when we’re happy. Our worst habits are never the result of us loving something so much that we can’t help ourselves. Instead, they overwhelm us when they become the only way to feel a little better.
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We do not lose happiness at all by allowing ourselves to be “too happy.” Rather, the ability to be happy, like any other skill, becomes better the more we practice it. The longer we are happy and the stronger that happiness, the easier it is to return our minds to this state, and the more easily we can solve problems that arise. Fear does not protect us at all; on the contrary, it makes us weaker and more vulnerable to irrational thinking that gets in the way of happiness.
And most importantly, happiness is not something that negatively affects our health. We acquire most of our bad habits not when we are happy, we use them as crutches when we are unhappy.
Happiness is not an end goal, not something that can be achieved once and for all. It is a process, a skill that you have to work on constantly. Nothing will give you more stability and well-being than your own habits. And nothing will make you as productive, effective, rational, capable and responsible as happiness… If only you allow yourself to accept it, without fear.
