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Every man dreams of boundless love, caress, understanding and complete acceptance. For a woman to caress and cherish him, not to enter into arguments and to agree with everything. But this has the appearance of a dream about an ideal mother. And in a man this is postponed on a conscious level. Therefore, if a woman takes on the task of re-education, she automatically begins to play the role of an ideal mother, who needs to accumulate the shortcomings of her man and gently lead him in the right direction in a maternal way.
Re-educating a loved one is not an easy task, because the very act of educating involves competition with his mother — “who is better.” Therefore, a man will naturally be afraid and resist upbringing, because he dreamed of a beloved woman, and not of having a second mother. Turning a beloved into a mother-woman will cause a feeling of horror and internal dissonance. Moreover, it will cause a man to be furious and incomprehensible about what is happening to him. He may even decide that he no longer loves a woman, because how can there be so much anger in a relationship?
We are all not perfect, and in relationships we have to change, improve ourselves and simply develop with the acquisition of new experience. This is necessary for relationships to live in dynamics. We can call this re-education of each other, and is each of the partners ready to find themselves in the role of mom and dad and engage in raising the other half? Everyone has their own answer.
Let's consider life hacks that will help maintain a healthy relationship between a man and a woman and interest in each other.
Preserving the couple's interests. Talking about them out loud
Behind every process there is a result, behind inaction there is a lack of it. Therefore, any change in a person requires an internal understanding of why it is necessary and how it will affect the relationship in the couple as a whole.
So, if a woman asks a man to change for her sake and, for example, to say more often that he loves her, it is important to explain how this will affect the entire relationship as a whole. It seems that men should understand this themselves, but, unfortunately, men may not even guess about such simple things for women. Therefore, tell them that the more often a man shows his love for you, the warmer, cozier, calmer you feel in the relationship. This is important for relationships in general, because you are emotionally calmer, you have more strength and a good mood, and the atmosphere of happiness in the couple as a whole directly depends on this.
You should not use this strategy only one way. As soon as you manipulate love and make a one-way curtsy, the man will close. In order to use this door of open agreements to preserve the interests of the couple, trust is necessary. Take care of it. And if the man asks you for something that is also in the interests of the couple, try to hear him.
Understanding how strong the relationship is and what your husband is afraid of
At different stages of a relationship, men are scared of different things. If he is naturally shy and not ready to solve difficult situations, and there are a lot of them in life, then a woman will simply learn to solve these problems on her own. Because a shy man will disappear from the situation in any case. This is a way to escape from any danger. You can take this fact into account and ask a man questions: how valuable are relationships for him, is he ready to make an emotional contribution to them?
The stronger the relationship, the more has already been invested in it by this point.
Therefore, recognizing the strength of the relationship naturally leads to a man becoming more resilient and wanting to stay in a difficult situation on his own, rather than because he was forced to.
And even if a man is scared by the situation, but he values and loves the woman, he will do everything he can to help her. And this does not require re-education, but rather the disclosure of a man's potential.
Remember where you started
Everyone is familiar with stories when a man and a woman are talking about something important, but the topic of the conversation becomes blurred, and it is no longer clear what the conversation started with.
The process of improving another person is endless. You can start by asking them to improve their physical fitness, continue by asking them to cook dinner and have a romantic evening, then you can delve into memories and go over what the person didn’t do or did, but not in the right way. Do you feel it? The topic of conversation is lost. Don’t lose it.
In any conversation, it is necessary to keep the focus on identifying the problem and solving it. This will allow both partners to stay on topic, understand its importance and relevance.
I'll find you anyway. We'll talk about it anyway.
In any difficult conversation, there is a temptation to pretend to be a child, to blur the topic, to pretend that you don’t understand what is being discussed. This temptation is also present in a woman who feels internal resistance, anger, embarrassment, and finds it difficult to ask. Similarly, a man is tempted to pretend that he doesn’t understand what you are asking. This is normal, many people do this.
Your task is to make it clear that even if your man hides from the topic, pretends that he forgot, didn't hear, didn't do it, you will still raise this topic. At least because this topic is important to you and is system-forming for your relationship.
As soon as a man realizes that you can't be brushed aside, he will start looking for a way to resolve the situation and, naturally, will start to change.
The carrot and stick method. The main thing is not to overdo it.
It is impossible to constantly swear, no man can stand such a relationship. Therefore, it is important to stop expressing complaints in time and switch to the mode of expressing love. After all, is there something good in your husband? Of course there is, otherwise you would not have chosen him. Therefore, be sure to say out loud that you love and appreciate him, and tell him what you like about him. This way you will be able to maintain a balance of love and warmth in the relationship, and your husband will not feel that you are only looking at him.
I'm growing, and you're growing. If you want to be there, answer me.
The only point that coincides with the recommendations for raising children. It is, of course, that if you ask your husband to change, then you will have to show by your own example how you are changing. If you ask your husband to treat you with care, build relationships with your parents and provide your rear and protection in the relationship, then you will have to do the same. Otherwise, it will be a one-sided game, from which the husband will quickly give up.
Therefore, if you talk about the values of development and education, you will also have to develop and live up to your own words.
Then there will be a lot of truth in your words, and it will be easier for a man to respond to your sincerity.
It is important to say that some things are quite difficult to change. For example, those that a man does not want to change and sincerely considers your words a whim. In this case, re-read our recommendations and remember that the main thing is not to give up and continue the process over time.
