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The wisdom and life experience of the parents will always tell when it is worth trusting the son-in-law and when not. The big problem is that it is not so easy to convey your thoughts to your daughter.
Before starting an important conversation
To begin with, parents should think about why they do not like their daughter's young man. It is quite possible that he simply does not meet their wishes and ideas of an ideal son-in-law. Here one of two things - either he is really bad, or the problem is with you and your attitude towards him.
Perhaps he is from a different social stratum
As you know, rich and poor, successful and not so successful - such people do not get along with each other. It is not only a matter of envy, but also of insecurity, prejudice, mistrust. A rich son-in-law is not necessarily a bad man who made his fortune in a dark way. A poor son-in-law is not always lazy, lazy and a potential alphonse.
Different tastes
He likes to live according to his own code, and his parents are used to living differently. The difference in age or the difference in priorities for the older and younger generations is indicated.
In these cases, you should not tell your daughter that such a son-in-law would be a bad candidate for you. You will be able to find the points of contact if no other defects have been noticed.
When to sound the alarm
There are options in which it is simply necessary to talk to your daughter about her choice. But even in these cases, you must first understand all the subtleties before cutting from the shoulder.
There are very bad rumors about him
It is important to discuss this with your daughter first. Very often rumors are at least half true. Psychologists recommend talking about it and asking your daughter what she thinks. It is necessary to be as careful as possible to ask her to tell why people lie or why they are wrong in their conclusions.
He shows with all his appearance that he is better than others
This is the sign of a tyrant. You need to tell your daughter about this, but first loving parents should ask her about how he treats her. If he is looking for advantages, then marriage or relationship with him will definitely not lead to anything good.
He speaks to your daughter in a commanding tone
If you notice him bossing your daughter around, that should be reported as well. Perhaps this is the norm in his family. But from your presentation, the girl will understand, even if not immediately, that she has become the partner of a jealous and despotic man.
It is also important to talk about the behavior of the girl herself if she:
- became more negative, silent, sad or withdrawn. Maybe she wants to talk about it, but can't, or is afraid;
- gives up his dream and stops devoting himself to his favorite activities. Here, too, influence from her husband is possible, who can tell her what to do and what not to do.
It is worth sounding the alarm in those cases when:
- bruises appear on the daughter's body. If she explains their appearance by the fact that she accidentally fell, then you can't just leave it like that. It is necessary to make it clear to her that she can turn to you at any time, and you will not blame or condemn her;
- she cries or worries that he will leave her. Here it is worth telling her that such a relationship will not lead to anything good. If he makes her jealous and worried, you need to find someone who won't swing this emotional swing;
- if her self-esteem has fallen below zero. He can openly insult her, saying that she is thin, fat, stupid, ugly.
How exactly you can not behave:
- set your conditions and demand their strict fulfillment;
- to cause guilt by saying that you are worried;
- promise to take revenge on the daughter's husband (if she got into a toxic relationship, she will surely feel sorry for him and justify);
- make decisions in haste.
Because of this, your daughter may simply turn away from you. If she really needs help, she will have no one left to help her. Try to remind her that she is free to do as she wants, not as others tell her. For this, she will respect you, and this will become a guarantee of your trusting relationship.
