64 Does our excessive care always benefit children.
The story of a woman who devoted her whole life to the well-being of her own children, but instead of gratitude, she received unexpected and painful results. Her experience teaches us an important truth about where the line lies between healthy parental support and excessive care, which can harm the formation of an independent personality, informs Ukr.Media.
One woman lived a dream all her life: to give her children everything. Good education, manners, taste, to instill tidiness, to teach how to earn money. It was spinning like a roll in a frying pan.
As a result, her daughter and son have everything. And a diploma, and a job, and an apartment in a good area. While other 30-year-olds are forced to pay the mortgage and keep quiet at work, agreeing to crazy rework, her children are already "in chocolate".
The son, believing that his mother had done as much for him as no woman would ever do in his life, devoted his life to her, tried to please her. He spent his income on gifts for his mother, on any holiday she sat at the head of his table, and he rushed to her if she was upset or wanted to talk.
In general, he would have moved his mother to his place, but his wife was against it. But there can be many wives, but the mother who gave up the last piece of bread for you is one. First, the guy divorced his first wife, who begged him not to run to his mother or call her for at least a week, and then he divorced his other wives. For the same reason.
And my daughter... it's even worse there. She lived with a man who wouldn't touch a finger. He did not earn, did not help with the household, did not know how much bread and milk cost.
"Why do you live with him? It's humiliating to carry a sack of potatoes while your husband watches TV at home," the mother wondered.
"I ran away from you, tyrant, to him," the daughter replies.
"From me? Tyrants? But I put my whole life at your feet," says the mother.
Tears roll into my eyes, it becomes difficult to breathe, my heart aches...
A year ago, she transferred a large amount to her daughter's account. Told her to open the deposit. I wanted to teach how to save money and how to multiply it. The daughter will see how interest accrues, and she will stop spending all her money on rags.
"How much did they charge you?", the mother asks, a month later.
"Hmm... but we spent that money right away, mom. The husband bought himself a gaming computer," the daughter answers.
And again it is difficult to breathe, again the heart...
Others say, don't go to them, let them live their lives, and you live for yourself. But she can't do that, she doesn't know how. She is with them wholeheartedly. She doesn't need anything for herself.
It turns out that as soon as you decide to share your strength, your resources with others, even with those closest to you, you take away from them the ability to develop their own strength, make them weak and helpless.
And you sincerely wonder why they don't thank you, why other people's lives don't work out. Or why they start to shun you, avoid you. And this is not the worst ending.
A Spanish proverb says:
"He who pretends to be a savior risks being crucified."
Parents of disabled children are often shown on TV who, secretly wiping away a tear, say: "What will happen to them when I'm gone?". But parents of healthy children, who solve all problems for them, never think about this. But these are good intentions that pave the way to hell. Step aside and do not prevent your children from becoming adults. When the child is having a hard time, just silently hug him with love.
Not a wallet, but a hug! This is quite enough!