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Brought up on fairy tales about beautiful princes, we search for an ideal all our lives. But often our ideas about how it should be crumble when we meet with reality. Can this be avoided? Very easy. It is only necessary to understand that the ideal is unattainable, and in real life it is enough that the relationship is just normal.
Everyone has their own personal space
Men often say that in a relationship they need to have at least a little personal space, while women try to completely take over their time and thoughts.
But normally, personal space is necessary for everyone - so that the atmosphere does not seem suffocating, and relationships do not stifle. If two people have become a couple, it does not mean at all that now they should be together 24 hours a day and live according to the principle "he and I are friends, where he goes, I go there."
It's good when everyone has the opportunity to be alone sometimes, meet old friends, have a glass of wine with colleagues, go to the movies alone. There are couples who can even spend the vacation separately — and for them it will be an additional way to strengthen their relationship even more.
The couple has mutual trust
All of the above works normally only in an atmosphere of mutual trust and mutual understanding, without which healthy relationships are impossible.
The axiom "if one is jealous, one loves" can be classified as outdated today, because the basis of jealousy lies in: lack of trust, suspiciousness and traits of the owner. If you don't check the pockets of your men's pants before throwing them in the washing machine, hiding the fear of finding something compromising, and your partner is browsing your social media while you sleep, something has gone wrong.
Views on life generally coincide
The fact that opposites converge only sounds good, but in practice, people living in a couple should want about the same from life. Mostly, it concerns global topics, as well as global personal plans: for example, when to have children and exactly how to raise them. If one considers vaccination evil and believes in homeopathy, and the other adheres to the principles of evidence-based medicine, there will be no agreement.
However, if one of you is a fan of camping with tents, fires and mosquitoes, and the other will not fall asleep without taking a hot bath first, then this is not a disaster, because the perfect match will still not be achieved, and different interests are quite acceptable.
Everyone contributes about the same to the relationship
"One loves, and the other allows himself to be loved," they said in one famous film, implying that it should be normal. But it often happens that way: one sacrifices everything, and the other wipes his partner's feet. For many years, it was believed that working on relationships is exclusively a woman's business, that she is responsible for the "weather in the house", everything smooths out, adjusts, looks for compromises, and if the family fell apart, then it was the woman who was responsible for all. But in times of equality, the rules have changed.
It might be an exaggeration to say that a relationship is hard work every day on both sides (it's good when things go smoothly), but if only one is working, it's even less normal.
Everyone in the pair knows how to talk
"She made it up herself, she took offense herself" is another very common relationship scenario. Of course, keeping the problems silent and believing that the partner had to learn to read your thoughts a long time ago will not contribute to a normal relationship at all.
One of the most important principles of healthy relationships and the key to a happy life in general is the ability to interact and negotiate. This applies to everything from the banal "I was worried that you stopped by unannounced and did not return calls" to discussing if you plan to have children, when and how many.
No one is trying to change anyone
Another common complaint about a partner, regardless of gender, is constant dissatisfaction with him/her and constant attempts to remake the person for himself. This can relate to the appearance and changing the wardrobe, but more often it is about some personal characteristics. For example, to make a person responsible. Or make it compliant.
It has long been known that all attempts to change others are doomed to failure in advance. It's much easier to just find someone who suits you better - and stop making both yourself and the "unsuitable" partner miserable.
There is an atmosphere of security in the couple
And not only physically, but also emotionally. In our consciousness, a huge cultural layer is devoted to the fact that a wife should be afraid of her husband. There is a huge number of jokes, anecdotes and stories about how a woman scratched a car and now her husband will kill her, how she is afraid to admit that she spent more money than planned, that it is better to hide the purchase of another dress altogether. If there is fear in the relationship, you can't think of anything worse. It doesn't smell normal here.
