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It is much more pleasant to miss someone than to miss someone. This feeling is unbearable, like a toothache, although it is not a direct threat to marriage, but it is considered a harbinger of changes for the worse.
In our article, you will find recommendations on how to avoid boredom in a relationship, and you can also take a test and understand whether you are bored in marriage.
Next is the text in the original language
Why relationships get boring
People meet, people fall in love, get married... How many hopes they place on marriage, how many plans and dreams they wish will come true. It seems that the romantic haze that enveloped the first years of joint life will never dissipate. Especially if there is a bad example in front of your eyes.
5, 10, or even more years pass, and the format of the relationship in marriage gradually changes. Fiery passion in the bedroom is replaced by calm, and sometimes sad "family" sex. Instead of stormy clarified relations and no less stormy reconciliation, there is a long silent confrontation. People rub shoulders with each other, they know what to expect. Everything becomes predictable and boring.
Boredom kills families no less often than treason or incompatibility of characters. Out of boredom, people make crazy, uncharacteristic concessions. They can deliberately provoke quarrels - not out of a desire to prove something, but simply to shake things up, to see at least some kind of light in their partner's eyes.
How boredom manifests itself in relationships
Everything starts with a lack of energy: laziness to do this, laziness to do that. Spouses gradually get used to trying for each other's sake. The husband, perhaps, could serve his wife breakfast in bed, but why... The wife seems to be ready to go fishing, but she has a lot of work to do, no time. Familiar situation?
Flirting disappears: cute banter, smiles, winks, tender caresses and fleeting kisses become atavism. Spouses hear and give compliments less and less. The life of a bored couple resembles coexistence in the same territory. Everyone is busy with their own business, and there are fewer and fewer common topics for conversation.
If you do not urgently change the established order, burnout will occur, the relationship will come to nothing. And it is good if, during this difficult period, someone more interesting does not appear on the horizon of a husband or wife. After all, a person cannot be bored for long, he will find something to do. That's just how it will be?
Everything is boring - is it normal?
Being at the peak of an emotional upswing, as often happens at the beginning of a love relationship, is extremely difficult. The emotional resource of a person is not unlimited, sooner or later feelings cool down. Next comes the stage of transformation — either into a stable (more peaceful) relationship, or into friendship. If there are no points of contact, common plans and strong feelings, the couple breaks up. And this is completely normal.
At first, the thought "I got bored with my husband" scares me. The woman feels guilty and does not understand why all this is happening to her. In the sticky web of self-flagellation, you can even fall into depression. Unfulfilled hopes for unclouded family happiness become ghosts that constantly remind of themselves.
Let's be clear: cases of maintaining bright emotional relationships, fiery passion and novelty in a long-term marriage are not just rare, but unique.
Romance between spouses lasts from several months to several years. After that, everything depends on the husband and wife. In order for their relationship not to be dull and boring, it is necessary to work on it.
Imagine a train. Ego accelerated to maximum speed and cut off the fuel supply. It will still travel several tens of kilometers by inertia, but the speed will drop and a stop is inevitable. So in marriage. Your fault with your spouse (if you really want to find fault) is not that the relationship has become boring, but that you have not done anything about it.
Test "Are you bored in marriage?"
We suggest you take a short test that will help you determine how boring your relationship with your significant other is. Place a + for each statement that is true.
1. You have no common interests and hobbies.
Common affairs are limited to everyday life and solving family problems. And everyone rests in their own way.
2. Your free time is monotonous.
This is probably the most obvious sign that you are bored in your relationship with your husband/wife. There is nothing worse than monotonous weekdays and the same weekends. Life becomes an endless running in the usual circle.
3. The amount of sex decreased by 2-3 times compared to the first years of married life.
Here is fresh, emotionless sex (even with the same frequency as before).
4. Instead of clarifying relations, we resort to innuendos and sarcastic intonations.
This only distances the couple from solving conflicts and contradictions, and also creates an invisible barrier that will become increasingly difficult to overcome over time.
5. We often discuss family problems with people from our environment.
This happens when it is difficult to understand in one's own life, or it is impossible at all. It is easier to discuss someone else than to analyze your relationship.
6. We like to spend time apart.
Separate holidays, trips to relatives without a significant other, lack of common friends are markers that indicate boredom in a relationship.
7. There are topics that we can discuss with anyone, but not among ourselves.
Trusting relationships are a must-have for a strong family union. Without this option, the couple has no prospects.
8. I don't remember when I said "I love" to my other half.
Words of love are very easy to say if everything is fine in the relationship. And it is extremely difficult if the family union is riddled with cracks. If you do not hear them from your spouse, then there is a reason for this. Excuses like "I don't want to talk about love" or "I prove love by actions" are not an option.
9. You do not feel his/her support.
Your ideas, plans, and initiatives are often shattered by criticism from your significant other. He (or she) clips your wings on takeoff.
10. You used to get very angry because of your partner's actions or words, but now you don't care.
Accepting each other's shortcomings is an ambiguous phenomenon. On the one hand, this is excellent, because there are fewer conflicts in the family. And on the other hand, it is a sure sign that you are bored in marriage.
Interpretation of results
Count how many pluses you got. 3 out of 10 - a reason to be wary. You will soon get bored with each other. 4 out of 10 - you are already close to getting bored in your relationship with your husband/wife. And 5 out of 10 is confirmation that your marriage is poisoned by boredom.
What to do if you are bored in a relationship
As F. Begbeder wrote, "boredom is a kind of suffering". Therefore, mourning the fact that you are bored in a relationship can be considered in the context of a family crisis. Acknowledging this fact and understanding that boredom can lead to undesirable consequences is the first and very important step. You already realize that you are unhappy with the state of affairs. And they are certainly ready to fight it.
What exactly can you do:
- Take up an unusual hobby. This is not necessarily something dangerous. The main condition is that the activity should be interesting for both husband and wife. Special attention to the sexual sphere. It's great if the unifying thing is intimate experiments. But don't limit yourself to just sex, because a couple can have many common interests.
- Don't plan what you can't plan. For example, forays into nature: in 10 minutes we decided, got together and went. Such spontaneous events are usually remembered much better than carefully prepared ones. They will provide you with the effect of novelty, even if they follow the usual scenario.
- Brainstorm. Cling to the thought "my husband is bored with me" as a guide to action. Make a list of what he would definitely be surprised by. For example, an interesting dish or your new hairstyle. Go through the items on this list at least once a week.
- Be nostalgic. Turn on the music you listened to during the courtship period (before marriage), read old messages, look at photos. Even if you have nothing to talk about today, memories of the past will suggest topics for a heart-to-heart conversation.
- Meet the dawn together. For couples who have lived together for many years, such entertainment is a fantasy. Don't make up answers. Better plan your night as if you were preparing for the most romantic date of your life. Get a good night's sleep the night before and go for a walk in the garden. Don't spare your legs! Meet the dawn in some beautiful place. Such an unusual vacation will add carefreeness and lightness to your relationship.
- One evening a week is for you. No matter how busy you are with work, children, life, at least one evening a week should be yours alone. If possible, send the children to grandma or hire a babysitter. Spend this quality time — not in gadgets or in front of the TV screen, but with each other.
- Update the bedroom. The things that surround us become a familiar environment. But if you are bored living with your husband, then leave the ego alone for now - take care of the interior. First, remove or "break" the TV near the bed. Secondly, change the illumination towards an intimate twilight. Thirdly, install an acoustic system - you will be able to make love to romantic music in high-quality sound. Add color to the interior, if it was faded, inexpressive before. Or, on the contrary, reduce the intensity of colors due to plain textiles. Your task is to ensure the effect of novelty in a place where you and your husband are alone.
- Take a bold step. One that your partner definitely did not expect. For example, buy tickets to a resort, ask your husband/wife from your superiors, agree on a babysitter for the children, and go to the sea for a couple of days. Such a surprise will help renew relations, move them off the usual track.
Another piece of advice for people who are bored in marriage is to change. Change yourself, your habits, appearance, preferences. Even the most inattentive partner will appreciate these metamorphoses and, perhaps, he will also be caught by the "wind of change" that dispels boredom.
